Written on 9:40 AM by Pastor Coon
A doctor struck up a conversation with a hard-working 75 year old rancher while suturing a mean cut on the old man's leathery hand. Eventually the topic got around to Obama.
The old rancher said, "Well, you know, Obama is a 'post turtle.'"
Unfamiliar with the term, the doctor asked him what he meant.
The old rancher replied, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle.'"
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued: "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of complete moron put him up there to begin with."
Written on 6:00 AM by Pastor Coon
Try Over $840,000 !!
Your Mother may be priceless to you, but in today's job market she's worth over $800,000 per year (up more than $39,000 from last year), according to Edelman Financial Services' Annual Mother's Day study. The study includes the salaries of the many occupations that a typical mother might hold during the course of a given year.
The tenth annual EFS study examined salary data obtained from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Edelman's goal was to establish criteria and determine what the combined median yearly salary would be for a multi-tasking mother being asked to:
*Care for pets
*Dispense medications and nursing care
*Attend meetings and functions
*Manage family finances
*Assist with homework
*Listen to and resolve family problems
*Keep family on schedule
*Maintain family order and harmony
"Edelman Financial Services is attempting to quantify and track the true market value of a mother's annual worth in today's economy," said Ric Edelman, whose company manages over 2.4 billion in client assets. "Of course, no one can place a value on the love and affection that mothers give to their families," he said. "But since a mother wears many hats and is on duty 24/7, we decided that a typical mother deserves a full-time yearly salary for all 17 key occupational positions."
Edelman noted that these figures should be higher, because they do not include the retirement, health and insurance benefits that workers in these positions typically receive.
"So if you haven't given much thought to the benefits of having a mom, try finding the money you'd need to pay someone to do everything that she does," Edelman said.
What do I say?
“Well, don't forget to put the check in the Mother's Day card -- you know the one for $841,900.”
Written on 4:36 PM by Pastor Coon
A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the dog replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"
The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I wanted to help America, so I interviewed with the the CIA. In no time at all they had me traveling around the world and hanging out with spies and world leaders. After all, no one figured a dog could eavesdrop. I proved to be one of their most valuable spies for a decade. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down. I got married and had a mess of puppies. Now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten bucks," the guy says.
"This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him for just ten dollars?"
"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that stuff!"