Written on 7:10 PM by Pastor Coon
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
The economy is so bad Obama met with three small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer, and Citigroup.
The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the quarter-ouncer.
The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
The economy is so bad people in Africa are donating money to Americans.
The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying-off judges.
The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
And finally, Congress investigated the Bernard Madoff scandal: Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear was investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
Written on 7:07 AM by Pastor Coon
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man Prayed: "God, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river" Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the River." Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
If at first you don't succeed, Do it the way your wife told you!
Written on 9:27 AM by Pastor Coon
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mummy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the back wall, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats
One by one the teacher called a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't there.
'Where's her daddy at?' She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,' another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day.'
The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mum.
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.
'My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone.
'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart
I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart'
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath his favourite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love of a dad not in her life.
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.
'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.
You see he was a soldier and died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy and taught brave men to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
'I know you're with me Daddy,' to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long- stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.
Written on 9:08 AM by Pastor Coon
Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a fantastic job, but your being late so often is bothersome. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, 'Good morning, General. Coffee this morning, sir?'"
Written on 10:56 AM by Pastor Coon
Written on 9:40 AM by Pastor Coon
A doctor struck up a conversation with a hard-working 75 year old rancher while suturing a mean cut on the old man's leathery hand. Eventually the topic got around to Obama.
The old rancher said, "Well, you know, Obama is a 'post turtle.'"
Unfamiliar with the term, the doctor asked him what he meant.
The old rancher replied, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle.'"
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued: "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of complete moron put him up there to begin with."
Written on 6:00 AM by Pastor Coon
Try Over $840,000 !!
Your Mother may be priceless to you, but in today's job market she's worth over $800,000 per year (up more than $39,000 from last year), according to Edelman Financial Services' Annual Mother's Day study. The study includes the salaries of the many occupations that a typical mother might hold during the course of a given year.
The tenth annual EFS study examined salary data obtained from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Edelman's goal was to establish criteria and determine what the combined median yearly salary would be for a multi-tasking mother being asked to:
*Care for pets
*Dispense medications and nursing care
*Attend meetings and functions
*Manage family finances
*Assist with homework
*Listen to and resolve family problems
*Keep family on schedule
*Maintain family order and harmony
"Edelman Financial Services is attempting to quantify and track the true market value of a mother's annual worth in today's economy," said Ric Edelman, whose company manages over 2.4 billion in client assets. "Of course, no one can place a value on the love and affection that mothers give to their families," he said. "But since a mother wears many hats and is on duty 24/7, we decided that a typical mother deserves a full-time yearly salary for all 17 key occupational positions."
Edelman noted that these figures should be higher, because they do not include the retirement, health and insurance benefits that workers in these positions typically receive.
"So if you haven't given much thought to the benefits of having a mom, try finding the money you'd need to pay someone to do everything that she does," Edelman said.
What do I say?
“Well, don't forget to put the check in the Mother's Day card -- you know the one for $841,900.”
Written on 4:36 PM by Pastor Coon
A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the dog replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"
The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I wanted to help America, so I interviewed with the the CIA. In no time at all they had me traveling around the world and hanging out with spies and world leaders. After all, no one figured a dog could eavesdrop. I proved to be one of their most valuable spies for a decade. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down. I got married and had a mess of puppies. Now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten bucks," the guy says.
"This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him for just ten dollars?"
"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that stuff!"
Written on 8:39 AM by Pastor Coon
Why? Well...because proper gun control is the most effective way to get your bullet to the correct destination.
Here are some tips for effective gun control:
* Practice shooting positions, especially field positions.
* Know your sights. Only one alignment will bring perfect results.
* Breathe calmly and deeply, exhale, then hold for the trigger squeeze
* Know your trigger, squeeze it slowly and firmly.
I thought that this advertising statement from the NRA was too good to not include in my blogging about gun control.
So if you think the term Gun Control means using 2 hands...we are looking to recruit you for the Battle of the 2nd Amendment.
Written on 9:27 AM by Pastor Coon
The Alpaca (Vicugna pacos) is a domesticated species of South American camelid. It resembles a small llama in superficial appearance. Alpacas are considerably smaller than llamas, and unlike llamas, alpacas are not used as beasts of burden but are valued only for their fiber.
The Angora rabbit
The Angora rabbit is a variety of domestic rabbit bred for its long, soft hair. The Angora is one of the oldest types of domestic rabbit, originating in Ankara, Turkey, along with the Angora cat and Angora goat. The rabbits were popular pets with French royalty in the mid 1700s, and spread to other parts of Europe by the end of the century.
The Axolotl (Ambystoma mexicanum) is the best-known of the Mexican neotenic mole salamanders belonging to the Tiger Salamander complex. Larvae of this species fail to undergo metamorphosis, so the adults remain aquatic and gilled. The species originates from the lake underlying Mexico City. Axolotls, also known as ajolote (ajolote is incorrect) are used extensively in scientific research due to their ability to regenerate most body parts, ease of breeding, and large embryos.
The Blobfish (Psychrolutes marcidus) is a fish that inhabits the deep waters off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania. Due to the inaccessibility of its habitat, it is rarely seen by humans. Blobfish are found at depths where the pressure is several dozens of times higher than at sea level, which would likely make gas bladders inefficient. To remain buoyant, the flesh of the blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. The relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front of it.
The Komondor dog
The Komondor (lat. Canis familiaris pastorialis villosus hungaricus) is a livestock guardian dog breed originally from Hungary. The dreadlock coat must have developed under a dry and extreme temperature climate as it provides superb protection against cold and hot weather, but is not too comfortable in wet weather. The Komondor is built for livestock guarding. It is big, strong, and armored with a thick coat. The coat provides protection against wild animals and the weather and vegetation, the coat of the dog looks similar to that of a sheep so it can easily blend into a flock and camouflage itself giving it an advantage when predators such as wolves attack. The coat is the trademark of the breed.
The Proboscis Monkey
The Proboscis Monkey (Nasalis larvatus), also known as simply the Long-nosed Monkey, is a reddish-brown arboreal Old World monkey that is endemic to the south-east Asian island of Borneo. A distinctive trait of this monkey is the male's large protruding nose, from which it takes its name. The nose is thought to be used in mating and is unique to the males of the species, reaching up to 7 inches in length. Besides attracting mates, the nose serves as a resonating chamber and works by amplifying their warning calls. When the animal becomes agitated its nose swells with blood, making warning calls louder and more intense. in any other primate.
The Proboscis Monkey also has a large belly, as a result of its diet.
The Star-nosed Mole
The Star-nosed Mole (Condylura cristata) is a small North American mole found in eastern Canada and the north-eastern United States. The Star-nosed Mole is covered in thick blackish brown water-repellent fur and has large scaled feet and a long thick tail, which appears to function as a fat storage reserve for the spring breeding season. The mole's most distinctive feature is a circle of 22 mobile, pink, fleshy tentacles at the end of the snout. These are used to identify food by touch, such as worms, insects and crustaceans. The incredibly sensitive nasal tentacles are covered with almost one hundred thousand minute touch receptors known as Eimer's organs. Other mole species also possess Eimer's organs, though they are not as specialized or numerous as in the Star-nosed Mole.
The Madagascar Sucker-footed Bat, Old World Sucker-footed Bat, or simply Sucker-footed Bat (Myzopoda aurita) is a species of bat in the family Myzopodidae. It is endemic to Madagascar. It is threatened by habitat loss. It is named for the presence of small suction cups on its wrists and ankles. They roost inside the rolled leaves of palm trees, using their suckers to attach themselves to the smooth surface.
Tapirs are large browsing mammals, roughly pig-like in shape, with short, prehensile snouts. They inhabit jungle and forest regions of South America, Central America, and Southeast Asia. All four species of tapir are classified as endangered or vulnerable. Their closest relatives are the other odd-toed ungulates, including horses and rhinoceroses.
The ET Tarsier
The Philippine Tarsier (Tarsius syrichta), known locally as the Mawmag in Cebuano/Visayan, is an endangered tarsier species endemic to the Philippines. It is found in the southeastern part of the archipelago, particularly in the islands of Bohol, Samar, Leyte, and Mindanao. Its name is derived from its elongated "tarsus" or ankle bone. Its geographic range also includes Maripipi Island, Siargao Island, Basilan Island and Dinagat Island.Tarsiers have also been reported in Sarangani, although they may be different subspecies. Being a member of a family that is about 45 million years old, it was only introduced to western biologists in the 18th century.
Liberal Politician also called Politicus Ignoramius is widely dispersed throughout the world but the largest known colony has been found on the eastern coast of America near the Virginia-Maryland area. These creatures vary in color, size, and gender but are easily identifiable by their forked-tongues, shifty-eyes, and yellow-bellies. Most of these species fall in the liberalis democraticus family.
Written on 9:21 AM by Pastor Coon
Dude, that is a cool fish and did you see how it baits in its food.
Written on 11:57 AM by Pastor Coon
This is too funny!!
Check it out here
Written on 1:23 PM by Pastor Coon
Heroes come in many shapes and sizes, of various ages and backgrounds. This pilot is reminiscent of the police and fire rescuers who gave their lives in rescue attempts during 9/11. What a great credit to his character. Strong people always lead weak people always run away.
Written on 8:34 AM by Pastor Coon
The little red hen called all of her Democrat neighbors together and said, 'If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?'
'Not I,' said the cow.
'Not I,' said the duck.
'Not I,' said the pig.
'Not I,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.
'Who will help me reap my wheat?' asked the little red hen.
'Not I,' said the duck..
'Out of my classification,' said the pig.
'I'd lose my seniority,' said the cow.
'I'd lose my unemployment compensation,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.
'Who will help me bake the bread?' asked the little red hen.
'That would be overtime for me,' said the cow.
'I'd lose my welfare benefits,' said the duck.
'I'm a dropout and never learned how,' said the pig.
'If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen.
She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see.
They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, 'No, I shall eat all five loaves.'
'Excess profits!' cried the cow.
'Capitalist leech!' screamed the duck.
'I demand equal rights!' yelled the goose.
The pig just grunted in disdain.
And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.
Then the farmer came. He said to the little red hen, 'You must not be so greedy.'
'But I earned the bread,' said the little red hen.
'Exactly,' said the farmer. 'That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle.'
And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, 'I am grateful, for now I truly understand.' But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free. And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established.
Individual initiative & responsibility has died, but nobody notices; perhaps no one cares...so long as there is free bread that 'the rich' are paying for.
Written on 5:12 PM by Pastor Coon
Not certain how much of this is truly written by a child but it is a good little laugh either way...ENJOY :)
Through the eyes of a child:
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sentten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the firstBible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Written on 9:44 AM by Pastor Coon
Not thought much of today
We take it for granted
As we go on our way.
We wonder why joy
Is not on many faces
We try to find joy
In all the wrong places.
Joy is found
Not in owrd but in deed
In helping others
Who are in need.
In knowing Jesus
True Joy is there
To know how much
God really cares.
Choose Joy, my friend
Put a smile on your face
And you will see
God's Love and Grace.
Written on 11:33 AM by Pastor Coon
I just heard that later this year that the government will start killing all the crazy people.
I started crying when I thought of you.
Run, little reader, run!
Smile God loves you and He is still in control.
I pray that you are having a blessed day in the Lord!!
Written on 8:52 AM by Pastor Coon
In Florida , an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.
The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case Dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."
You gotta love a proper understanding of scripture!
Not certain if any of this story has any bit of truth to it but it sure is cute...hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!!
Written on 6:37 AM by Pastor Coon
As I read this article I realized that posting this would be benficial for all of us as many have family members, friends, and brothers/sisters-in-Christ who have lost or may lose their job. I challenge you to consider and practice these simple points and let the love of Christ show through you especially now in the current financial turmoil. we are facing. God Bless, Martin
by Laura Petherbridge
"I have something for you," my friend Ruth said with a smile. She handed me a bag containing three oranges and a grapefruit. Her simple gift communicated that she understood my pain.
Ruth had heard about my husband's recent job loss. She could identify with my situation — years earlier her husband had experienced unemployment, too. Moved by her thoughtful gesture, I began to weep.
After 14 years with a Christian ministry, my husband, Steve, lost his job. The ministry had downsized before, so we knew it was possible, but that didn't eliminate the sting.
Fortunately, we were financially prepared for a rainy day. But as the weeks turned into months, discouragement pounded at our door.
Pain and confusion accompany job loss more than I'd ever realized. I'd previously had a cavalier attitude toward people facing unemployment, but now that I was standing in the midst of this emotional tornado, I understood the severity of the situation. Rejections and closed doors shook our confidence and even challenged our faith. And the insensitivity of others needled at our sore hearts.
Through the experience, I gained empathy for unemployed friends and family members and learned how best to respond when someone I care about loses a job.
One of our greatest needs during Steve's unemployment was social interaction. As a speaker and writer, I work from home. When my husband lost his job, we were suddenly under the same roof day and night. We felt guilty spending money on such things as a movie or dinner, and we rarely left the house. As depression crept into my home, it changed from a comforting sanctuary to a prison cell.
If your friend is unemployed, ask him or her over for dinner. The meal doesn't have to be fancy; it’s your friendship and the welcoming atmosphere that help.
Offer to circulate your friend or family member's résumé. Many jobs are found through networking. Employers often prefer to hire someone from a referral rather than off the street. I was touched and amazed by the number of people who were willing to share Steve's résumé with potential employers.
My friend Ruth gave us a gift card to Starbucks with this instruction: "Treat yourselves to an occasional date." Even though we weren't big coffee drinkers, the card was a perfect present. It provided the opportunity to sit in a comfortable, fun atmosphere and feel normal again. I looked forward to those precious moments when I could treat myself without feeling guilty.
During Steve's almost 11 months of unemployment, several people sent us gift cards and checks in the mail. Without fail, a gift would arrive at a point when our hope was faltering.
The monetary value of these surprises was wonderful, but the hidden treasure was the tangible reminder that God hadn't forgotten us. God didn't calm the storm, but through the generosity of others, He provided shelter during the downpour.
Perhaps the most pain during this season came from Christians who didn't understand my crisis of faith. When God delayed in providing another job, I sometimes became angry and confused. It's not as though we were asking God for a new Mercedes. We were pleading for resources to pay the utility bills. Certainly the God who parted the Red Sea for Moses and held back the sun for Joshua could bring a job for my honest and hard-working husband.
Instead of receiving grace, I heard critical comments such as, "Your lack of faith is showing." Those ill-spoken words hurt more than the job loss itself. I discovered when and where it was safe to drop my mask and reveal the turmoil in my soul.
Trusting God and reading His Word daily did not eliminate the pain; I needed people to hold my hand and comfort my aching heart. Your unemployed friend needs compassion, not a sermon.
We will never forget Steve's season of job loss because it birthed a compassion for others in similar circumstances. Look around your neighborhood or church for those facing unemployment. All it may take is a small bag of oranges and a grapefruit to show them you care.
This article first appeared in the Couples edition of the October, 2008 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2008 Laura Petherbridge. All rights reserved.
Written on 8:46 PM by Pastor Coon
Friends please bear with this lengthy posting, but in an effort to raise the needed funds to finance the Lord's work here I want to present the following proposal. The plan involves leasing at least 100 acres of land and starting a possum ranch. A possum skin can be sold for about $1 each skin. If we can raise enough partners/capital to start with 250,000 possums, a possum will have about 12 babies a year so within one year the original investment of 250,000 possums will grow to 30 million. At $1 per possum skin we could gross $30 million harvesting the skins. Of course there are many beautiful uses for possum skin. Below are some samples:
The biggest obstacle would be the expense of feeding and skinning the possums. There would probably be a lot of rats converging on the ranch because of the filth created by the possums. So I propose that we train the possums to eat the rats that would serve two purposes: first it would serious eliminate the rat population and to it would save a ton of money on feeding the possums. The limited population of surviving rats would help us in the disposal/decomposition of the possum carcasses after we skinned them, thus keeping the ranch cleaner and aiding us in overall care and control of both populations.
The only other hurdle would be the expense of salaries for the hired possum skinners. I do suppose that a large albeit necessary investment in research and development could possibly lead to a gene/splicing of possum DNA with snake could limit this financial burden of hired skinners. Logically since snakes shed their skins, perhaps the possum/snake hybrid could accomplish this for us and just simply increase our profit with only a limited rise in overhead. In fact, I was just watching the Discovery channel and they have identified snake species that shed their skin two or three times in the same year. Imagine the profit potential with just a minimal R&D investment. We are looking at over $60 million year profit out of this hybrid gene-spliced possum skin in both more possum skin output as well as a savings from not having to hire expensive possum skinners.
The big money of course is not just in the possum skins at $1 each. The fortune to be made is in selling this idea and allowing others to join the ranks of wealth with us with but a modest donation, an investment in the plan. As a pastor in a society full of name-it-and-claim-it, God-told-me-to-do-it, get rich quick jargon of so many "religious leaders" it should not be difficult at all to add people to our plan. I'm available to present our business plan to your friends but really the selling of the idea, the dream, to your friends needs to come from you. You could present this as a simple investment plan "selling shares" or maybe develop a "pyramid-like" organization that allows others to bring financial supporters/investors in under their "authority".
Either way you decide to build your investors please allow me to send you a customized starter kit for a one time fee of $149.95. This starter kit is only that first push in the right direction for establishing our initial investment, plus this one time fee is only to cover the cost of the professional presentation and to establish connections within the possum-skin business. Now you can utilize your starter kit to develop your own local possum ranch and it would only require $13.50 per person that invested in your ranch to be paid back to me for royalties and copyright protection, etc. The world is our oyster and we with dedication and a powerful presentation will make our own pearls!
Some reader might want to try the Possum Ranch plan, but God has a better way of financing His work on earth -- it's found in Malachi 3:8-10 and has been successfully proven by many who obey Him!!
"Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings...Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation...Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."
Written on 8:59 AM by Pastor Coon
The following is excerpted from “Government Considering Gas Tax on Cows,” WKYC TV, leveland, Ohio, Jan. 6, 2009: “Scientists say an average dairy cow can pass 50 to 100 gallons of gasses into the air daily. The federal EPA is considering a gas tax on dairy cattle and other farm animals. For dairy cows, the tax could be $175 for each animal per year. The American Farm Bureau Federation says that could cost a medium sized dairy farm $40,000 a year. ‘We won’t even make that in profit this year,' said Brenda Hastings of Hastings Dairy in Burton. ... Hastings pointed out that Farm Bureau research shows dairy cattle emissions account for only 0.66 percent of greenhouse gasses. ‘More than two thirds of greenhouse gasses come from water vapor. Maybe they should tax Lake Erie instead,’ she said.”