Written on 4:30 PM by Pastor Coon
OLD VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away..
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
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MODERN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.
CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'
ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, We shall overcome. Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight.
Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ants food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood..
The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010.
Posted in
Current Events
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Written on 7:10 PM by Pastor Coon
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
The economy is so bad Obama met with three small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer, and Citigroup.
The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the quarter-ouncer.
The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
The economy is so bad people in Africa are donating money to Americans.
The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying-off judges.
The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
And finally, Congress investigated the Bernard Madoff scandal: Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear was investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
Posted in
humor
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Written on 7:07 AM by Pastor Coon
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man Prayed: "God, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river" Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the River." Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
If at first you don't succeed, Do it the way your wife told you!
Posted in
humor
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Written on 9:27 AM by Pastor Coon
Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favourite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mummy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the back wall, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats
One by one the teacher called a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't there.
'Where's her daddy at?' She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,' another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day.'
The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mum.
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.
'My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone.
'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart
I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart' 
With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath his favourite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love of a dad not in her life.
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.
'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.
You see he was a soldier and died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy and taught brave men to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
'I know you're with me Daddy,' to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long- stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.
Posted in
being a dad,
priceless
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